Live, observe, and show....

I have been meaning to update here and while sometimes, 'it's the thought that counts' the saying can't quite cover everything, such as updating a blog. Life has thrown me for a loop yet again lately. A few weeks ago I assisted a reiki III class and was asked to assist with the attunements. That was an experience I won't soon forget, nor will I soon stop nitpicking my ability to participate in the event. The only practice I had was in a journey where my guide had me attune him. He seemed to think I did alright, but his opinion didn't matter quite as much as that of my teacher. She thought I did alright for my first time, but had a couple of ways I could improve. I'm greatful for her advice since she has been doing this for years and I am just starting out. I did my best to see it as help and not criticism... I think I did well at that. It is a tough thing for me to actually hear the advice and know where it is coming from and act on it. My typical response is 'Oh yeah?! Well I'll show you!' Sometimes that response is warranted, but most of the time it is not, especially if you take care to only surround yourself with those who wish to help you rather than those who wish to use you. The distinction can sometimes be rather minor and hard to spot, that's where listening to and trusting in your heart come into play.

I recently had a weekend of... self discovery... no that isn't quite what it was. It was rather empowering and full of breakthroughs but it cannot be definied by 'self discovery'. On the 13th I turned 28, I also had another shamanic session, played the bowls with my teacher/friend, had an amazing time talking with good friends, and realized how many people out there care about me. Eye opening to say the least. The session mainly revolved around my root chakra and the scars that had formed there over the years. Some of the scars were created by me, some I had allowed others to create. They joked that I would be a virgin again after the session nad in some ways I think that's true, at least where my chakras are concerned. An amusing point that was made, is that I will no longer be in hiding, and yet I will be returning to my observer self. The first session I had a year and a half ago or so brought me out of the hiding/observation mode/mindset and this one partially brings me back. Though I do not see it so much as bringing me back but showing me another way to be an observer. One can completely hide in the shadows and observe, never letting themselves be seen; or one can observe while being out in the open. The second type of observation is often harder as the mind can start to switch into 'look at me!' mode because you must want to be observed and seen if you are out there putting on a show. The intention must be changed and made clear in these instances. Show yourself, only show yourself caring for the other person/people you are with. Make them the focus as you watch their energies/emotions/actions.

“The universe as we know it is a joint product of the observer and the observed”

~ Teilhard de Chardin

The point that the Universe seems to be pushing home for me lately, is to outwardly show, outwardly demonstrate. It is easy for me to internally demonstrate a feeling or a thought or to demonstrate it with a look, not so easy to actually demonstrate it. By this I mean physically demonstrate something. During the attunement I did not physically push symbols into people with my breath but did so in my mind. This is fine for myself but the students being attuned needed that physical reminder of what was happening. During one of the exercises we did a role play activity where one was the parent, one the child, and I could not speak my part and reverted back to trying to get it across with just energy. I have a friend who often reminds me to use my words rather than just gesturing and expecting him to get it. While he is getting better at deciphering my gestures or looks, I should not rely on his ability to understand my point at all times when I do not actually share/speak my point or my desires.

Attempting to find quotes on speaking, most I find hint at not speaking and letting emotions simply be and be felt. There are pages of quotes from people regretting how much they have said, how people do not regret having said too little. This does not take into effect all the people who say 'If only I had said....' when a relationship or a life ends. I think the trick, is to say what you mean and feel with more than a modicum of respect for the recipient of your words.

I close with this...
Speak carefully, but never fearfully
Love fiercely, but never obsessively
Demonstrate your feelings physically, but never abusively

I'm reminded of the saying 'an action is worth a thousand words' ... but sometimes, a word is worth a thousand actions.

Define it...

I hope I can get this all out...

The other day I was driving home, giving myself a pep talk of sorts. My mind started to wander down a familiar road. People ask us what we do for a living and we answer with 'I am ...' Rather than 'I ...' We are so defined by our jobs that we don't even think twice about saying that our job is what we are. Because of that, I started to think 'who am I?' I'm not talking about the fuzzy, way out there in the middle of space answer, but the now, the here. As I type I can already tell that what I told myself that night won't come out in my fingers as they type away. But that's ok. The 'me' I am changes with each breath I take.


"I am more than I know myself to be."
~Anonymous


I am a healer, I am a woman, I am someone who is ready to open up, to be seductive if the right key is found, I am sensual, caring, serious. I am a counselor, a friend, a soft place to land when things are rough. I am a reiki practitioner, practicing each day to be the master that is within. I am bold and brazen, yet I am shy and quiet. I am a person who loves to be outside when the world is full of mist and mystery, when the forest turns into a land from the imagination. I am a nature freak, with a taste for things only found in the city. I am sensitive and because of that, I am strong. I am a lover who sometimes falls to easily and too quickly, but has no regrets in doing so. I am a writer, a jeweler, a minister, a teacher. I am an old soul who is separate yet never alone. I am ready, ready to step into my power as a person, ready to learn how to tap into all aspects of my being. I am ready to do great things. I am me.

If you read my list, and question some of it, talk to me, ask me, maybe I can help you to see that part of me. For those who know what I do daily to earn a living, you'll notice I did not mention that job in this list. It doesn't define me. It allows me to be who I am safely but it is not me.

So then.... who are you?