Prayer

Grant that I may not pray alone with the mouth; help me that I may pray from the depths of my heart.
~ Martin Luther

I grew up Buddhist... in the town I live in, that's a very rare and random thing. Most of my friends didn't have any kind of idea what that meant. To be honest, I don't think I did either. To me, it was something to do because my parents did it. I think religion is that way for most people until they really look at it, and really delve deep into things. I've been doing just that for the past two years.. delving that is. Ever since I started going to a Unitarian Universalist church I've really started to get down and dirty with myself and what I believe or don't. I've also filled in some holes that were lurking around the edges.

Prayer was one of those holes. Growing up the way I did, we chanted, and I had that down pretty well but we didn't pray. There was no 'Lords Prayer' that we said before bed, or a prayer of thanks before eating. We were supposed to look within, and to those in our lives. That was fine, but... was missing something. I'm not even sure I could pin down what was missing... Nah, sure I could. There was no way to communicate our care and concern with someone in need. At least not in a way that suited me. Still didn't help me know how to pray.

The quote I opened with, sort of makes sense of how I've come about 'how' to pray. Ever since my reiki classes I've been getting slammed in the head with prayers for people at random. It's tough to get them out or down on paper all the time. But, I figure if they were meant to hear them, they would get out in time. Otherwise it's just a prayer offered out to the Universe which is just as good if not better sometimes.

If we could all hear one another's prayers, God might be relieved of some of his burdens.
~ Ashleigh Brilliant


Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light.
~ Norman B. Rice

Ready, set, .... wait?

Ever have one of those moments where you see some event, or read about something, and you're struck with a "I'm READY" thought? I'm not talking about just 'yeah... that'd be cool, I could go for that' but knowing that you're really actually ready for whatever just hit your brain. Sure, things may not be in place for that to happen but you're ready for it when they are.

Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing. ~ Wayne Dyer Create a definite plan for carrying out your desires and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action. ~ Napoleon Hill

So you've put your intention out to the universe... now what? Wait? Take action? What action? No action? The choices are... almost as confusing as being ready can be.

I feel as if I'm radiating my readiness to the universe, waiting for it to bump into something helpful. That's not quite a proactive way to do things now is it? So, I radiate... with purpose? Where do I direct it? Do I direct it towards those involved that I'm unaware of, hoping it gets there? Am I asking too many questions??? What does it all mean?

It's not all that dramatic or serious. You're sending out these vibes, they're heading out to the universe where they will eventually hit whatever they need to hit. Someone else out there is radiating out their own Vibes of Readiness (VRs). Their VRs will slam into yours, causing things to bounce all over the place... or will they? Another option is that the vibes just pass by eachother, melding into something new that those involved will recognise, they will then slam into you and make you do whatever it is you need to do.

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Don't give up on finding those who are there to help in your VRs...but don't become so fixated on finding those people that you overlook them. They may not exactly match what you expect them to. What you find important, a name, a look, a background, may not matter at all. It is what is at their core, the very spark of their being that matters the most.

Faith is the daring of the soul to go further than it can see. ~ William Newton Clarke
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. ~ Aristotle

Take a moment, pause, look within a person. What you find may surprise you. What you're looking for may be in an expected package.

That's a lesson for me... as well as anyone else looking for something, or someone.

Kids...me...rebuilding

So today I read a story to the kiddos during church... that was a ton of fun. There are these two little twins, about 2 years old, who came up to hear the story and ended up 'helping'...at least one of them did. She kept reaching for the mic and wanting to turn the page for me. Was adorable. Was then downstairs to help out during their fun day. That was also great. I was asked if I had or worked with kids...no to both of those...then a 'do you want kids' question of course... that was a little more fuzzy of an answer. In the past I've gone back and forth on this question, and at times it's kind of depended on who was asking. Hate to say it, but in the past I was quite... flexible depending on the person I was talking with and what I thought they wanted to hear. That isn't the best position to put yourself in. It's a great way to loose yourself though, and I'm afraid that's what I was doing. Now I'm on the way to find out just who I am...it's sort of, tricky I guess. First, there's all the mess that's been put into place over time that wasn't me but was someone else. All that will have to be waded through and sorted into 'me' and 'not me'. That task is mildly daunting on its own, but add to it the next task of having to take the 'me' parts and figure out how they fit together to form 'me'. Once that's done there are holes that have to be filled in.

Holes take time to fill in of course... not expecting things to fill in instantly. That wouldn't be realistic.

So then, do I make lists, do I just make random thoughts and statements someplace (like here) until I've gone through everything?

I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am. ~Sylvia Plath

This all started with me talking about my morning with the kiddos... and how that made me question everything. I know that someday I'll have kids, through conception or adoption, either way they'll exist. I don't think I'm ready for them to show up any time soon however... just want to make that clear to the Universe. I'd like some sort of support and partnership before that happens lol. All that being said, I feel like I'm on the right track with things and with decisions I have or haven't made. Time to put the house back together, piece by piece.

Up to a point a man's life is shaped by environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, their times, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, "This I am today; that I will be tomorrow." ~Louis L'Amour

Trying Something New

I'm trying something new here... a new place to put stuff as I begin to ponder things. New year, new fun? I've decided that change is in order, and since I can't move, I'll make changes elsewhere in my life. I've already started with some of them, like saving $$, eating stuff I made at home more, being more active, etc. I think the two biggest hurdles will be my tendency to be lazy and just not care. I think that's part of the issue with how kids are raised... we grow up, and as reward for doing well we get good grades, maybe some extra cash from our parents, or a 'yay!' ... then we hit the 'real world', move out on our own, and there's no reward system. It's just gone. So then do we put in place a reward system of our own? Make a 'star chart' to put on the wall and reward ourselves with something when we get to the goal? The idea does have some sort of merit though... it makes charting our progress more fun than work. We work enough at work, do we really need to make more for ourselves once we get home?

I've been adding and subtracting from my life a lot lately. Subtracting people, adding people, subtracting activities, and adding other activities. Sent an email in to a local gal who teaches community minister classes. It'd be a nice addition to things. I'm already ordained but it was one of those fun online things that cost nothing and need no classes to get. I'd like it to be something with a little more behind it. It'd make me feel better. Also working on picking the right people to be around me. I've been told before that I can be overly nice at times when I should be standing up for myself and walking away. I'm a 'helper' and sometimes it's tough to put myself in a place that's safe for my well being, while still helping folks out.

So where does this put me? Where do I go now? Who knows.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

~Alan Cohen