Cleaning up past thought processes….

Lately I have been stressed, doing too much, depressed, and frustrated.  All of that does not add up to a good thing, in fact, it usually adds up to quite a bit of nothing aside from parking it on the couch when one is not out being too busy to look after themselves. 

 

“If I feel depressed I will sing. If I feel sad I will laugh. If I feel ill I will double my labor. If I feel fear I will plunge ahead. If I feel inferior I will wear new garments. If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice. If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come. If I feel incompetent I will think of past success. If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals. Today I will be the master of my emotions.”

~ Og Mandino

The first sentence in that quote sums up what I tend to do, which leads to the second sentence… the third is where things fall apart.

Part of what is going on is my seeming inability to get things done, and then keep them up.  Let me give you an example… my bathroom is a constant struggle to keep tidy.  I can get it nice and clean and looking good, and that usually sparks a desire to clean another room in the house.  If I don’t get to that other room soon enough however, the clutter in the house starts to once again take over the bathroom and I start at square one.  For some reason I cannot get to the ‘general maintenance’ stage of things.  The same is true for my health.  I started a walk/jog pattern, was doing various aerobic activities on the off days and all was well, until my life once again got involved and I slowed down, got sick, back went out, etc.  Well, I now have amazing sinus pressure and my hip hurts pretty bad, and I have excess energy because I cannot go jog or dance.  While having my hip hurt is better than having my back hurt as it did, the problem still exists.

I do not want to be one of those people who blames all of her problems on childhood, but growing up it was always ‘quick, get it clean!’ and then the room in question was allowed to slip backwards to square one for the cycle to repeat again.  That thought pattern seems to have stuck around.  I have tried this and that method and so far have not found something that has stuck.  I believe what needs to be done is not adapting yet another program/method/etc, but to change how I view things in my mind.  I need to remove the ‘this can sit here for now I will deal with it later’ mindset and replace it with ‘I am done with this, it will now find its home’ mindset.

If I am going to do well in life I need to wrap myself around this concept.  I also just need to throw a lot of things away. 

“Better keep yourself clean and bright. You are the window through which you must see the world.”

~ George Bernard Shaw

 

My windows need a good cleaning.  I feel like I am floating along, unaware of my destination, allowing life to throw me to and fro like a leaf rushing downstream.  Somehow I need to transform from the leaf, into the tree, standing sure and spreading my roots out to find the nutrients I need to survive and provide for the amazing nature and life around me.

 

May I sway as the willow does, firmly planted by the ever changing banks of stream and pond.  May I adapt to my surroundings, bend with the wind, provide shelter and food to those in need.  May I move with grace, taking time to rest and replenish in times of silence.