Let the rain bring the possibilities...

The smell of rain is in the air. It's too early in the year for it to actually rain, but it's a nice thought. The air has been getting warmer, not just during the day but nights too, and little plants are starting to pop out of the ground. Spring, and the change that comes with it are just around the corner.

“I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other.”

~ Billy Bob Thornton

I've been telling the Universe something for the past...month or so. Waiting for an answer. Perhaps I'm not listening, or, as I told Steph today, perhaps my answer just isn't ready for me.

I have been steadily working away at coming up with ideas for things, without actually making much progress towards doing.

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

~ Mark Victor Hansen

Speaking of Steph, she recently posted an entry about actually doing. When I first read it, I thought 'Yeah, you have to actually make progress!' Never mind I've been stuck in my own self made quagmire of non-movement. Amazing how just smelling moisture in the air can make one realize something like that about themselves.

So here's what I need to actually step up and do in the next few weeks/months:
Get reiki attunement sorted out so I can help teach that class
Find notebook containing book notes
Create multiple necklaces of 3 main types
Make bags to place necklaces in for fair
Get bins
Get sheets from thrift store
Consider pictures to print/sell at fair

I think that list is good for now.



As I was looking for quotes to finish this entry with, I came across one that I'd like to share. It doesn't have much to do with the entry, but that's fine.

“In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”

~ Mahatma Ghandi

I share this because during a recent journey group on the power of words, an old medicine man came to me and shared some words of advice with me.

"Have faith child, and let no prayer pass your lips that has not first passed your heart."

The two are quite similar in meaning, at least in my mind.

“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.”

~ David Viscott

With that, I am off to get what I want from life. I believe it is possible.

Right Round, Like a Record Baby

I realize that records are one continuous groove that goes around, not several different ones, but work with me here. Lately I've felt as if I'm on the same record as my life, but I'm in a different groove. I can see where I would normally be, where life as I know it lies, and yet I can't get there. I try, but it winds up being awkward and disjointing as the record skips and I'm back where I started. The description is as close as I can come to my life as of late. I do something I would normally do, and yet it feels different, and the result isn't the same, and no one really knows how to react.

A good friend told me that it just means I'm 'evolving' ... evolving into what? Only the Universe knows that one at this point I'm afraid. Each time I think about it, I just get lost in the many ways my path could be going at this moment in time.

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

~ M. Scott Peck

So the Universe is pushing me out of my rut and forcing me to see things in new lights. Apparently I wasn't doing a good enough job on my own at it. This does spark a memory however. I was told, by a few people, that once I stop being snarky, drop the sarcastic qualities and live my truth, I would find my partner. The moments I feel the most out of place, are when I try and fall back on my old humor, on being snarky. It no longer seems to fit. When I press I just feel even more out of place with things.

“Sarcasm is the language of the devil, for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it”

~ Thomas Carlyle

“A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.”

~ Lawrence G Lovasik

While I doubt that I will soon become a sugary sweet woman with nary a sarcastic word oozing from her mouth, I will do better at tempering my words.

Sarcasm is often an easy way out, it deflects the focus back onto the other person involved. It's a great way to avoid actually being real and dealing with things that are happening, be they emotions, thoughts, simple words.

I will soon help teach another reiki class. I have a feeling that is the reason for some of this change. Energy has begun to move and change, and life moves and changes with it. Dreams become more detailed and graphical, activities turn towards the spiritual and the meditative, and your body begins to purge toxins.

I shall close by thanking the Universe for letting me see the jars as opposed to letting me continue to fumble along blindly in the dark. Thank you for letting me carry a candle on this confusing journey and for providing matches with which to light it.

“But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart...”

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Quieting the Monkey Mind

“Meditation is the tongue of the soul and the language of our spirit”
~ Jeremy Taylor

Our lives are often so busy we forget to sit and rest our minds for a few moments each day.



I started this entry a few days ago... and then stopped. To me that is a great example of needing to just sit sometimes. Instead I got so wrapped up in things and got busy and tired and and and. Bottom line is, the entry sat dormant for several days waiting to be finished. My week has been so hectic between working, going to the gym, trying to spend time with family, etc, that I haven't really taken a moment to just be quiet and breathe. Even when I try and take a few moments before bed my mind is racing with thoughts from the day or upcoming days. So I shall now resolve to try and work more meditation back into my life. It's time. To that end, I'm browsing the podcasts to see if there's anything new I might want to listen to.

Believe

I've been taking stock of things recently... life, direction, motivation... you name it I'm eyeballing it. I'm ready for my life to go in a direction that it hasn't really been going. So now the task becomes figuring out how to get things going in the direction I want. That or just charging in blindly... that doesn't really work usually so that plan is out the window.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I do versus what I am. What I do is what pays the bills, provides health insurance, etc. What I am is what drives me, what gets me going, etc. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my job. There's just more out there that really interests me.

This entry is showing all the signs of bouncing from topic to topic. They're all related and connected though, I promise. It might not be all too evident however.

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
~ Stephen Levine

I'm ready.

I've been saying for months how I'm ready for change, as if saying it multiple times will somehow magically make the universe realize that it can hit me with change. This of course has dangers as well because the universe could suddenly decide to hit me all at once rather than gently send it on my way.

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.
~ Wayne W. Dyer

So now I begin to make the changes in my life that need to be made in order to achieve what I want to achieve. I can see the final picture, I see it all the time, I'm just not sure how to get from A to C without first knowing what B is. Faith has been placed in myself and the PTB.

As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.
~ Emmanuel

Deliberate Intensity of Life

I often talk about change, how I feel it coming, how it's making my life go wonky, etc. Despite all that, I don't often stop and reflect on changes when they actually happen, or what they mean. The new year has brought changes with it this time. They're subtle but quite obvious at the same time. I'm more on point with things this time around. I've made a decision to be my true self because that is the only way that I'm going to get where I want to get in life. If I can't buckle down and get the job done now when I'm in a support position, how can I expect to do it when I'm in charge of things?

Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe. ~ Gail Devers

So, now that I've begun to be my true self again, where does that lead? I am back to being in charge of things, not taking slack from anyone, am requesting others to challenge me, and am challenging them to be their true selves. Part of all of that is simple trust.

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly. ~ Patrick Overton

Trust is never that simple of course. It takes a lot of effort on your part, to let yourself go to that place. You have to be ok with yourself and all the ups and downs that come with that self. We never have been, nor ever shall be perfect except in our imperfections. We have good days, we have bad days, we have days that are just days with no real good or bad quality to them. The trick then, is to be able to look yourself in the eye and say 'Here I am, this is it. I can live to my full potential or I can live a passive life and I cannot be passive!'

Life is to be lived. If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting. And you don't do that by sitting around wondering about yourself. ~ Katharine Hepburn

So, live deliberately, and live intensely. Show the world who you are and what you stand for, and don't be afraid to stand out in the process.

Gratitude

Today in covenant group we discussed changes in the past year as well as those who helped us make some positive changes. Part of that was figuring out if we had expressed our gratitude to those who had helped us. That was a tough question for me... there have been so many helpful people this past year who have brought about so much change in me and my life that I couldn't make the list out in the time allotted. Then I realized that I hadn't really thanked people. One of the group members brought up the idea of living a life that they would want you to live is one way to thank a person. Which is true. But still, it's nice to actually thank someone now and again.

So here's my challenge to myself, to write thank you notes to at least 5 people who really matter in my life who have really helped me out. Not just a simple 'thanks' or 'thank you' but a really heartfelt note written just for them.

I'll update on how that goes as I start doing it.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has a cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.
~ Albert Schweitzer

From my calendar at work for January:
There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
~ Jean Jacques Rousseau

New year, new times

So it's a new year...and it started off with dreams that are more confusing than anything else. I hope it's not a teaser of what's to come. Knowing me it will be however.

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.
~ Leon Joseph Cardinal Suenens

I have a strange feeling about this year. It's a good feeling and a somewhat nerve producing feeling. I feel like I'm on the cusp of change, of doing what I'm in this town to do. That's where the nerves come in. If I finish what I'm here to finish, do I stay after that or do I move on and start on my new task? Also curious as to what that new task might be. Time will tell.

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~Benjamin Franklin

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~Hal Borland

Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past. ~Henry Ward Beecher